thoughts

talking to amos makes me feel what is it like talking to myself. he's an emo kid now.

and i do feel ashamed that i am not contented with my lot in life. quoting someone when i say i wish i will have a grad trip.
"u are already in shanghai and NOC.. "
"you know how many people want to go NOC but cannot?"

when i tot it's bleak for my future career. another one says
"you dun know how i wish i am in ur shoes?"
"nus, chem engin"
"it's like how nice"
"i have to take part time degree lor"

so, i feel totally wrong to lament about my wants in life. haha.. but nvm.. i shall still write them down.

it's a constant struggle. to be good and to be bad like the world.

it's a shaping of character in shanghai. i am starting to dun care and stop trying to be that perfect guy.

and those damn ego there are like so nice. they are egoistic about themselves and yet happy.

and, i also realise what is it to like a person again. it's about knowing how wrong the person can be and yet you still want to stay around.

and there are no good guys. all are bad. the difference is, are they at ur side or not. i hate that feeling. but it's getting real.

and who says looks doesnt matter.

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in church, after so long, i finally hear a lot of hyms in church. the feeling is so farmiliar.
"it is well.... (it is well), with my soul (with my soul).. it is well, it is well.. with my soul"

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one good thing that i have gained. someone whom i can talk bout God as well as about the bad things that i have done. not a lot of people i can talk bout the 'holy' and also 'unholy' stuffs.

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and do i have someone special in mind? haha.. i guess so.. i wish i do. but it's so fleeting and i am starting to doubt my fleeting thoughts. but the thoughts stays there consistently. so it's like a permanent fleeting thought. haha.

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"i dun know about tmr.. i just live from day to day.. "